As a woman, if we have the intention and desire of completing half our Deen, we’d feel the agony and the aggravation whenever another year passes without any impending marriage proposal. The questions other relatives ask whenever they meet you, “Do you have anyone yet?” or “When will you get married?”. These questions are pretty daunting and unsettling, and makes you wish you could escape from answering, or wish people could just stop asking. One might start to feel hopeless to ever finding one, feel disheartened and discouraged from being so patient upon ever getting married.
The sting is peculiarly painful, it feels as though every week a friend or a relative announces their engagement or wedding, even scrolling through social media there’s always someone getting married, or their child is having their first birthday, while you’re still in that seemingly endless bride-to-be line, waiting for your turn. We grow up to believe that we need to find a husband and get married at a certain age. To finish school, get a good job, get married, have kids and die together. That’s the typical plan, right? Until the day we reach that certain stage in life, to our disappointment, we don’t have the right man yet. We end up putting impossible pressure on ourselves, constantly feeling disappointed and frustrated. We have been conditioned to believe we need to find a husband, but that doesn’t mean you need to look at every guy as if he’ll be the one. This habit will leave you constantly disappointed. Getting let down is something that shouldn’t happen on a daily basis. So you find yourself asking, “Why am I still not married yet?”
First of all, you are not alone in this, and before I answer this question, one must know that all matters are in the hand of Allah; therefore we must have Tawakkul, which means trust and reliance on Allah. Place your reliance on Him, for every cloud has a silver lining.
1. You are perfectly fine
You were made to be unique; to be you. We are human, we have flaws and there’s always something we’re not satisfied with. We are beautiful in our own ways as Allah has made us this way. I know it’s easy to get swept up by the fear that we just aren’t enough. Keep your self-esteem high and don’t beat yourself up about it. Self-confidence plays an important role in finding a spouse, so you mustn’t think that you’re ugly or unworthy of marriage. Allah created you as beautiful and unique, and if He decrees it, there will be someone out there that will marry you. Don’t let those questions that make you dread meeting people feel as though they are nagging you or pushing you to get married.
2. Chance to cultivate humility
When a believer makes dua to Allah and He does not respond, one should know that it’s not that He’s not answering your prayers, He is answering it in a different way. Don’t despair and do not give up in calling upon Allah. Turn to Him with a sincere and pure heart, for He loves his believers, so be content with the situation that you are in. Getting married at a later time could be something morally good that Allah has prepared for you. It gives you the opportunity to put others first, be optimistic, preserve good thoughts and see a positive outlook on situations. Focus on others, volunteer for non-profit organizations, help the sick, face the challenges in life.
It’s natural to feel down and feel affected from the worries and whispers from shaytaan, but turn to Allah; increase your remembrance of Him, and perform more acts of worship to get you through the day and drive away all your worries.
3. To love yourself
You have to be happy on your own, without anyone else. Not being married yet means you have time for yourself, to improve yourself and also love yourself. It’s called self care. Pursue what you’re passionate about, connect with other women that inspire you and devote your time connecting with your creator. Love your own being and eventually you will find the person you were written to be married to. When you love yourself and you are content with yourself, the person you’re going to marry will enhance the joy and love that’s already within you.
4. Becoming mature and responsible first
God is giving you the opportunity to seek more knowledge, to spend more time and improve your relationship with God, your family and loved ones. One of the main reasons why God might be delaying your marriage is for you to reach a certain level of maturity: emotional, well-being, and physical aspects. He knows everything about you that no one else knows.
We never know to expect; what He has planned for us, as it is usually much greater than what we want or imagine… the unthinkable. Perhaps, He is being kind towards you by delaying your marriage until the best time. Getting married at 25, 35 or even later than 40, age doesn’t matter, what really matters is that you’re in a happy and loving marriage. The right person who loves you for who you are and becomes the pillar of support in deen and guides you on the righteous path for success in the Hereafter.
5. Engage in more da’wah and knowledge
The years of our youth can never come back, it just leaves memories and experience. Perhaps God wants us to gain more knowledge and engage in more da’wah before actually settling down in married life. In the future when you’re wiser and older, you’ll look back and cherish and treasure the moments that you spent on learning and being involved in da’wah and Islamic knowledge, which you will benefit and teach your children later on.
I know you hear all this a lot, but it is something true and a lot of people believe in it. Trust in Allah because he has great plans ahead of you!