I am no expert in relationship. Looking back now, I wouldn’t even consider my past relationships as “real” relationships. However, after all my 25 years living in this earth, I have learned you should not sacrifice yourself for a relationship.
Like that is not the most obvious answer you will ever get, am I right?
But, by “yourself”, I mean it in a sense that you should not sacrifice your freedom, your relationship with your families just because you have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, fiancée or even a spouse, and all in all, you should not lose your control in saying no.
We often forget that we have the power to be ourselves, yet subconsciously; we tend to put our happiness or our power on someone else.
Learning from experience, I am a giver. I have a particular set of values and priorities in life, which is to give and to put other people first than my own. There are both positive and negative benefits in putting people’s needs and wants ahead of our own; you lose yourself in the process. I have learned overtime when I do put too much effort in trying to be accessible for my friends, the end results are not usually reciprocated.
Let me just ask you this, do you or do you not like it when the love you’re giving are not reciprocated back to you? All the efforts you’ve put in are not requited back as you expected?
Stop letting people walk all over you. That doesn’t mean you are weak, but it simply means you are stronger. You are standing on both feet. Have you ever heard a line from a movie that says, “Stop being a doormat”? I’ve heard that line for at least a couple of times these past few weeks, and it has been with me ever since. It made me think of myself and the position that I’m in whenever it comes to a relationship. Even in friendship. And now looking back, I am the doormat these people are talking about because I am a giver. Whenever my friends need me for a shoulder to cry on, I willingly give them my time and actually respond to their cry for help. I am not trying to play the Taylor Swift card and self proclaimed myself as the “victim”, but for some odd reason, I became an alien to their eyes whenever I cry for help. I suppose the crying for help is seen as a peculiar activity to everyone who knows me, as I am known to be the unexpressive one or as what someone once labeled me as the unemotional one.
Truth be told, growing up, I have conditioned myself to bury my feelings and emotions deep in the back of my closet, only for the sake of not wanting to cause a burden to anyone. Also because, deep down I don’t want to seem weak or vulnerable to anyone.
Once in a blue moon, doing someone a favour won’t hurt you. However, when you’re too accustomed in being a doormat, you are everyone’s shoulder to cry on, everyone’s provider and saviour.
It’s a known fact that the help you give is not often reciprocated, and most people are more willing to take than they are to give. This is just human nature. If by being a doormat is in hopes that people will change their minds and befriend you, then you should stop. Friendship or any relationships for that matter don’t work that way, at least.. not the real ones.
It also goes with buying a relationship. We have all seen people who would go through lengths and buy people treats, showering them with gifts, in hopes that “their kindness” is reciprocated. Or at least, they’ll get a relationship off of that.
It may hurt you to see so many people bail on you, but as awful as it is, that is one of the things you’ll have to go through in life. This is probably the most heartbreaking lesson I had learned. Generally, people wouldn’t exactly respect a doormat. They’ll wipe off their dirt and go in to be comfortable in their safe place. People are naturally geared and constructed to take advantage of others until it stops working. Until you can utter that one syllable that many of us are so well aware of, “NO”.
I can’t stress it enough how depressing it is to give, give, and give, and only to never get back even a speck of respect. It’ll make you feel worthless, and as a result, it’s safe to say you’re way better off standing up for yourself than doing things that make you feel like you’re just a microscopic creature just so you could do things to please others.
Your inner peace is one of the major factors you should not sacrifice. I feel like your happiness should be your number one priority in life, so if you are not happy in any relationship because of the amounts of sacrifices you have to make, then it’s time to move on. No being is worth giving up on your happiness, and if they make you feel miserable, then you know you deserve better.
In close, everyone should know their worth and understand that they should not sacrifice too much of anything. You know it yourself, you feel it in your heart, if it’s not right, and it’s not worth it. Your gut is never wrong, that pit in your stomach is your second brain. When you feel it, then that is your intuition trying to tell you it’s time to bolt.
That sounds a bit harsh than I anticipated it, but like mentioned, your gut is never wrong. Trust it. Live about your life in a new leaf. Don’t wait for next year or even the next day, you get the chance to start over everyday. New day, new agenda. Life is way too short to waste your energy and time to someone who doesn’t appreciate all your efforts. We deserve the right to Live. Laugh. And Love.